|
|
Artist:
|
Brad Teare
|
|
Issue: 57
January 1987
|
|
|
|
Reading while you wait.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
unknown
|
|
Issue: 57
January 1987
|
|
|
|
He thinks. She thinks.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 57
January 1987
|
|
|
|
Click! Joseph, would you please turn off that . . Light.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 57
January 1987
|
|
|
|
Better Red than no baptism for the dead.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 58
March 1987
|
|
|
|
Grace, did you have to open your coat when the Prophet came through the crowd and shook my hand?
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Brad Teare
|
|
Issue: 58
March 1987
|
|
|
|
I'll be dad-gummed if I'm going to let you finish my personal history!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 58
March 1987
|
|
|
|
Have you ever had intimate relations with a member of the opposite sex? No. Ever necked? No. Petted? No. Touched? No. Squeezed? No. Grappled like sweaty muskrats in the back of a Chevy? No. What's the matter? Aren't you a Real Man? Hey, I'm only thirteen!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 59
May 1987
|
|
|
|
Sharon, there's nothing you can do. . . They're dividing the ward. But the Hendersons are our best friends!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
MAC
|
|
Issue: 59
May 1987
|
|
|
|
Unfortunately, my mother thinks cleanliness is better than godliness.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Brad Teare
|
|
Issue: 59
May 1987
|
|
|
|
Each unique and special in the same way!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Brad Teare
|
|
Issue: 59
May 1987
|
|
|
|
So much for the theory that the Church is run by the Public Relations Dept.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 59
May 1987
|
|
|
|
Sigh. Being a General Authority has its price. You can't cut loose and do something wild and irresponsible like other people. Oh, what the heck! Go for it! That's right Sister Finch--a half dozen colored shirts delivered to my office in a plain brown paper wrapper.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Gustave Dore
|
|
Issue: 60
July 1987
|
|
|
|
Everybody stay quiet, okay? No one needs to know it was Troop 263 that had the barbeque near the stake center!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 60
July 1987
|
|
|
|
No, the radio astronomy observatory is up the road . . . This is an LDS Stake Center.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 60
July 1987
|
|
|
|
Relax, this is all just routine, but have you ever engaged in illicit sexual intercourse? Heavens no! The very thought of it makes me nauseous! Fine, Fine. I'd like to ask you about your relationship with your husband. I thought you just did.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 61
September 1987
|
|
|
|
If you have a liberal Mormonism problem . . .Call this toll free number . . .Orthodox Mormons are standing by.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Gustave Dore
|
|
Issue: 61
September 1987
|
|
|
|
They finally put all the commandments in one place!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 61
September 1987
|
|
|
|
People expect G.A.s to be irreproachably respectable. Sometimes I get this overpowering urge to let my hair down and dance naked through a forest glen with the gentle woodland creatures cavorting at my feet! Sister Finch, it's lonely at the top.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
MAC
|
|
Issue: 62
November 1987
|
|
|
|
Sister Fransworth, be bold, be imaginative, be daring but don’t stray from the lesson manual.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 62
November 1987
|
|
|
|
There's no free lunch, you lazy freeloading bum! You're two minutes late for the last time Griswold, YOU'RE FIRED! A good looking secretary is important to this office Miss Hart. May I call you Carol? My, what fine looking legs you've got Carol. . . Coffee sir? No thanks, it's against my religion.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Gustave Dore
|
|
Issue: 62
November 1987
|
|
|
|
There she is, brethren! That’s the woman who told the bishop we snuck out of priesthood meeting to watch the Super Bowl!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 63
January 1988
|
|
|
|
Oh, no! It’s the last day of the month . . . and Porter Rockwell is their home teacher.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Gustave Dore
|
|
Issue: 63
January 1988
|
|
|
|
So this is why the Lord established Zion right on the Wasatch Fault!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 63
January 1988
|
|
|
|
Sometimes being a General Authority is the pits. Everything you say is scrutinized. . . Every move you make is noticed. . . And someone is always ready to criticize you at the drop of a hat. . . Even a window washer has more real freedom than I do.
And try not to change any doctrine while I'm gone.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 63
January 1988
|
|
|
|
Heck if I know what this stuff says . . Who do you think I am. --Hugh Nibley?
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Steve Benson
|
|
Issue: 64
March 1988
|
|
|
|
Whitehound Lines
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Steve Benson
|
|
Issue: 64
March 1988
|
|
|
|
Resign, Ev.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Steve Benson
|
|
Issue: 64
March 1988
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Steve Benson
|
|
Issue: 64
March 1988
|
|
|
|
No: Smoking, Drinking, Drugs, Pepsi, Long Hair, Beards, Short Skirts, Sex, Fibbing, Cheating, and Mecham
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Steve Benson
|
|
Issue: 64
March 1988
|
|
|
|
Why didn't Craft and Leonard tell me the deal included preachin' to pickaninnies?
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Gustave Dore
|
|
Issue: 64
March 1988
|
|
|
|
Preppie. Genealogy in a can.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Gustave Dore
|
|
Issue: 64
March 1988
|
|
|
|
This year I'm sure we'll beat the second ward in the road show competition
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Brad Teare
|
|
Issue: 64
March 1988
|
|
|
|
But enough of my unique Mormon theology, Tell me about yours.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 64
March 1988
|
|
|
|
What the...? Miss Finch, another uncomplimentary article has appeared in the national press. I've had enough of this unwarranted criticism and persecution. We Do Not control every aspect of everyone's life in Utah. Have the State Legislature issue a resolution to that effect.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 65
May 1988
|
|
|
|
We wish to thank the various stations that helped bring this conference to our hot-tubbing Saints in California.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
P S Mueller
|
|
Issue: 65
May 1988
|
|
|
|
Wendell wondered what he would do about his Sunday School Lesson, as he discovered money can buy happiness
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 65
May 1988
|
|
|
|
Home teaching is the heart of the Church! The welfare program is the heart of the Church! Temple work is the heart of the Church! Genealogy is the heart of the Church! Tithing is the heart of the Church! Harvey, you're a Mormon . . what's your church like? It's ALL HEART!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 66
July 1988
|
|
|
|
Click.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Art Mueller
|
|
Issue: 66
July 1988
|
|
|
|
. . . one push and the red light comes on . . . two pushes and the microphone cuts out . . . just like you asked, Bishop. And just in time for Fast Sunday, too.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Gustave Dore
|
|
Issue: 66
July 1988
|
|
|
|
Whose idea was it to have a youth speaker at this conference?
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 66
July 1988
|
|
|
|
Not to worry--I happen to know God doesn’t recognize ordinances performed without authorization of the proper priesthood line authority.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 66
July 1988
|
|
|
|
Hear he came from a nice Mormon home. But I heard his owners paper trained him on old copies of liberal Mormon magazines! Yes, it's true! So is it any wonder he turned out so tragically? Gasp! There he is! SPUDS! Spuds Mackenzie! It's not too late to change!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 67
September 1988
|
|
|
|
What kind of church is this . . . when the first thing they do after arriving in the Salt Lake Valley is build a basketball court?
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Brad Teare
|
|
Issue: 67
September 1988
|
|
|
|
I’m your ‘computer-matched’ escort to the singles’ dance. We both read Exponent II!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 67
September 1988
|
|
|
|
It doesn't matter to your father and me that you're not getting married in the temple. We still love you.
Thanks Mom.
They will let you write from the telestial kingdom, want they?
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 68
November 1988
|
|
|
|
Thank you Elder Oaks for those choice remarks. . . Unfortunately we've run out of time for questions.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 68
November 1988
|
|
|
|
As one of a growing number of Mormon women who is tired of male oppression, I feel obliged to inform you of the coming revolution! Soon legions of us will throw down our spiritual living lessons and cookie cutters and march on the Church office building. And do you know what it's going to be called when women in the Church stand up and demand their rights? Priesthood envy?
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 69
February 1989
|
|
|
|
Well, they’d better study it out in their own minds because there’s not going to be any visitation today.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Gustave Dore
|
|
Issue: 69
February 1989
|
|
|
|
Shees! You’d think the BYU religion faculty could drive cars to work like everyone else!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Steve Kropp
|
|
Issue: 69
February 1989
|
|
|
|
I had the strangest dream last night. Lowell Bennion became head of Welfare Services, Tom Monson became chair of BYU philosophy department, Michael Quinn director of the Historical Department, Mary Bradford Ensign editor, Boyd Packer over BYU social sciences, and Hugh Nibley director of Correlation
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 69
February 1989
|
|
|
|
I don’t want much, but I want quality.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 69
February 1989
|
|
|
|
Hello there deary! I'm your fairy visiting teacher. . . How 'bout a peek at your future? See, you'll quit your job, marry a fine priesthood bearer/financial consultant and live happily eternally after. What's this photo of me with the ward primary kids? No,silly! Those are YOURS!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Gustave Dore
|
|
Issue: 70
April 1989
|
|
|
|
Please wait here for hostess to seat you.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Steve Kropp
|
|
Issue: 70
April 1989
|
|
|
|
I just had a terrible nightmare. I dreamed Hugh Nibley had a Swiss bank account.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 70
April 1989
|
|
|
|
We’re going to play ‘Mormon Trivia.’ Let’s have the cautious church historians play against the reckless church historians.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 70
April 1989
|
|
|
|
It's Jesus -- I didn't recognize him after BYU standards got through with him.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 70
April 1989
|
|
|
|
By the power of my authority, I command you to stop demanding the Priesthood! That’s unrighteous dominion, Bucko, which means you just lost your Priesthood! Besides, I believe I already have the Priesthood! And I command you not to command me not to demand the Priesthood. What!? No you don’t! Yes I do! . . Personally, I think giving it only to quadrupeds would solve a lot of problems.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 71
June 1989
|
|
|
|
Meet me at the Lion House for a priesthood-power lunch.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Gustave Dore
|
|
Issue: 71
June 1989
|
|
|
|
I don’t believe this! I told the architect that we didn’t want the new chapel to seem pretentious.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 71
June 1989
|
|
|
|
I need to think of something good for conference. Something that teaches loyalty and obedience while it tugs at the old heart strings. Sister Finchly, get me some plot summaries from old 'Lassie' episodes.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 72
August 1989
|
|
|
|
And I know that the official Church book on the Mark Hofmann case is TRUE . . Even though it hasn't been published yet.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Dana Jacques
|
|
Issue: 72
August 1989
|
|
|
|
Well, thanks and good night. It’s nice every so often to feel like a sister missionary again.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Dana Jacques
|
|
Issue: 72
August 1989
|
|
|
|
At BYU Harry was a Skousen conservative, as bishop he was a Maxwell moderate, as high priests instructor he was a McMurrin liberal. Now, he just reads 'This People' magazine.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 72
August 1989
|
|
|
|
So, Mr Fancy-Pants Lee! You're reduced to selling cigars--that's the fate of those who lift up their heels against the Brethren!
Excuse me sir -- that’s a wooden Indian.
I knew that!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 73
October 1989
|
|
|
|
A voice came to me and said, Michelangelo. . . Change the fresco . . .
Can you hear my voice?. . . Change It Back!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Steve Kropp
|
|
Issue: 73
October 1989
|
|
|
|
Nothing Succeeds Like Success
Haste Makes Waste.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Ken Critchfield
|
|
Issue: 73
October 1989
|
|
|
|
Call Salt Lake and see if we can strike a deal to use their San Diego Temple as a set for Flash Gordon Returns.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Ryan Wayment
|
|
Issue: 73
October 1989
|
|
|
|
And in international news, Brigham Young University has just gotten in the Guinness Book of World Records for making the WORLD'S LARGEST CHEESECAKE!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Brian Bean
|
|
Issue: 74
December 1989
|
|
|
|
Caution Unrighteous Dominion
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 74
December 1989
|
|
|
|
Ouch . . Hey you're stepping on my foot. . Elder.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Ken Critchfield
|
|
Issue: 74
December 1989
|
|
|
|
Rock Hard Testimony, Los Angeles
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Steve Kropp
|
|
Issue: 74
December 1989
|
|
|
|
Today’s lesson is how to defend yourself if you forgot your rattail comb or mace.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 74
December 1989
|
|
|
|
Remember me? Your fairy visiting teacher? How'd you'd like a date to the Gold and Green Ball? Ack. First we have to find something to turn into your handsome R.M. Prince. Uh. . . Don’t bother. . . Please? Aha! Just the thing! Go away . . . Please, just go away . . .
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Dana Jacques
|
|
Issue: 75
February 1990
|
|
|
|
Okay, then to implement the Prophet's concern, the Young Men's organization will develop an anti-drug lesson. The Quorum doesn't want drugs at Church, let's develop a strong program. Maybe we should require blood tests for all athletic teams. Oh, and Sally, have that new BYU intern draft a memo to all bishops on that drug thing. PRESS ROOM: " . . . Each ward house should acquire a police-trained drug search dog . . " I don't know, sometimes I wonder about the inspiration of the Brethren.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 75
February 1990
|
|
|
|
The parable of the good but hestitant Samaritan.
I do care . . It's just that I didn't bring any rubber gloves.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Steve Kropp
|
|
Issue: 75
February 1990
|
|
|
|
Would you summarize your presentation, Alan? Just in case some of us missed the point.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Ryan Wayment
|
|
Issue: 75
February 1990
|
|
|
|
AS A TEENAGER: I hope my friends realize that Mormons are just normal people. I hope they don't think we're weird like the Puritans or Amish.
AS AN ADULT: I wish Utah/Mormon culture wasn't so modern and tacky. I wish we were a purer and simpler people--like the Amish.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 75
February 1990
|
|
|
|
(and acrobatics)
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Brian Kubarycz
|
|
Issue: 76
April 1990
|
|
|
|
I'm sorry, John, but holding up the entire Book of Mormon is not acceptable as proof Joseph Smith was a prophet.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 76
April 1990
|
|
|
|
It's OK bishop . . . just part of my homosexual therapy.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Brian Bean
|
|
Issue: 76
April 1990
|
|
|
|
And as your new bishop, I hope we can make our ward a kinder, gentler place, where there are scores of points of light of service and love.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Steve Kropp
|
|
Issue: 76
April 1990
|
|
|
|
Okay, now break into small groups and brainstorm ten ways to sincerely home teach. Then we’ll reassemble and share the ideas.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Ryan Wayment
|
|
Issue: 76
April 1990
|
|
|
|
I wonder why Mormons are so often intolerant of other people's religious beliefs. I mean, we believe that there is much truth which we've not yet received, and we know that other belief systems have a certain amount of truth. And yet so many Mormons are intolerant, judgmental, and self-righteous. I'm sure glad I'M not like that..
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 76
April 1990
|
|
|
|
So, what's Orson Scott Card writing about this time?
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Dana Jacques
|
|
Issue: 76
April 1990
|
|
|
|
Remind the prophet that this year is Old Testament, not Book of Mormon!
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Pat Bagley
|
|
Issue: 76
April 1990
|
|
|
|
OUR STORY: Cindy's fairy visiting teacher has changed a rat into an R.M. to accompany her to the stake dance. I don't want to go to the Gold & Green Ball!! I don't want to be set up with anyone!! I don't want to be seen with this . .this . . R.M.! Hmmm . . . I see your point. . . ZAP! You know, I feel the same way about being seen in public before I visit the hairdresser. TO BE CONTINUED . . . .
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Cal Grondahl
|
|
Issue: 77
June 1990
|
|
|
|
Combining all Mormon thought into one unified field theory.
Incomes of the General Authorities.
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
unknown
|
|
Issue: 77
June 1990
|
|
|
|
Wish List: 1. Publish Regularly
That's all
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Brian Bean
|
|
Issue: 77
June 1990
|
|
|
|
Back to Seminary Sale Paul Dunn Tapes Book of Mormon Videos
NEW! Book of Mormon Cliff Notes
|
|
|
|
Artist:
|
Ken Critchfield
|
|
|
|
